Thursday, October 06, 2005
my entries never had a title. but just a few minutes ago, I feel spurred to runaway from all that I have. I may not call them problems, it's always the different way we see things and all. maybe it's a blessing in diguise which I highly doubt it is. it may be call trouble which I think it is. I really hope you will free yourself dad. I wish I can walk away from all this, I wish I can stop hearing all these, I'm not listening nor am I processing it. seriously, why blame my sister? she really can't think and she might be away from us soon enough. dont you see that whatever you do can't salvage the marraige either? dad's doing it for himself. kindly respect that. do you know I used to believe you would change but after 18 years of my life I really dont anymore. because you have proven me wrong time and again. I am a neutral person most of the time and a softy of course and I can say this. how much worst can you get? slamming down the phone on me shows me no respect and of course many more of ur other actions and words. and hence I always appear disrespectful to you. sis may get better if you have been supportive and nice. maybe if the marraige worked sis wouldnt be like that. multifactorial disease psychosis is. but we never know. we never do know. I havent uttered a word to you for almost 48 hours and I absolutely have no respect for you. although people may say you are my mother afterall. to hell with what people say. I'm firm on what I know, believe and think.the second note today, my sister went pretty off track again today. to be crude, beserk. saying weird things. its not just weird, its out of the world. you can't take her words seriously, she says hurting things but she cant help it most of the time, her moodswings, ups and downs. our body's controlled by the brain afterall. some one in the right mind wouldnt speak of those and direct senseless illogical accusations and blames. sometimes my parents are really left with no choice but to hospitalise her. I understand dad's heartache but I cant empathise. I am not a parent. I dont know what I can do for this family already. does my presence matter alot? if I stayed at home today, will these be prevented? where are these answers held? I dont think all these have answers and explanations. because these arent Mathematics to start with. is this my inspiration to study psychiatry? hmmm.and, I vomitted during kick boxing training now. will see a chiropractor soon. it might be related to my past spine problem.porkie, joyce, eunice and ron makes my day all better though.
girlwithabroken(: : 00:59
