if anyone reads this you'll think im crazy. so brace up, if not dont proceed.
hmm, care as a friend. care as a friend. he just cares as a friend. get that in yr head belle. nth more than that. cant let my thoughts run again, dont wanna face that pain again. and well I still miss him alot. but at least he's happier like that. sadly, it's without me. the truth always urts. never fails to hurt. i learnt this the hard way. woes woes woes, won't you all stop coming back to me? to those who have been constantly helping me pass my week, thanks so much. I hope I can be there for all of you too. just all be strong, dont be such a faggot like me. acting like some whore... whining my 6 days away. acting like some fallen leaf.
sorry if all these is so uncouth for. you all must be thinking, if she doesnt even care for herself, asking her to take care n stuff doesnt work. yeah it doesnt. im so selfless - the negative way. my mom asked me to put the plant in the svc balcony in d morning. and as i climbed out of that window, i wondered how i'd be like if i just fell. looking down then didn't really seem that scary. that phobia in my seemed to just disappear for those moments. havent felt like that in a all-too-long time. 12 storeys down. not that high. i havent studied ever since... tomorrow's the hardest paper... so "got blast me... got blast me". hopefully i wont retain that sickening module, scrape through or smth, or just quit. rather than getting sacked. waoh whee.
had the adrenaline to play DoD this morning. It was too purrfect. the score of 32:15 marked my day in Saints. kill em' all. and be brute. aim de heads. slice their skin off. i wont be belle soon. damn, stop asking me to eat... my mother again. the divorce is imminent. hopefully by then I've already learnt biking and have no stomach fats, so that i can go on a motorcycle drive by! I cant learn how to drive till 21. thats the new law, all june 1987 or later, all have got to wait till 21. good riddance. 3 years later than all the 1987 babies... no way. suddenly everyone seems to be born before june 1987 except me. haha. biking that is. wonder if my parents would agree, i think they have to. =D Pearl Harbour isn't tempting enough for me to get away from this comp screen. i still go for trainings during exam time, exams dont seem important. yayaya, all will scream as you pple read this. ban me lar, i still dont wanna study. hahaha.
"sometimes i drive so fast, just to feel the danger... somebody ripped my heart out, and leave me here to bleed. Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life. I'd rather be anything but ordinary please" - avril lavinge - anything but ordinary
ah, my friend call already. bye =( back. still got lots to pen down here. wonder if alcohol helps? clubbing helps? i'd do anything to feel better, at least if makes me better for the time the alcohol permeates my cells and kidneys. cant wait to go to my friend's party in dec. can't wait to go club this coming weekend. sorry i cant differentiate btw this and next and the following. sorry to myself, i hardly love myself anymore. and in fact i hate the way i am. ego n fucked up n screwed up and messed up. im just a teenage dirtbag baby! and i'd try anything. rebellion and wilderness raging all inside me... too much to handle? bleah. damn stop asking me to eat, dont ask me how much rice i want. i dont want anything. dont touch my door ever again. maybe im really a bitch, although they say it jokingly. but whatever lar. bitch bitch lar. lol. morphing into one right. training starts soon. <-- DoD, not bitch training.
yah, and people out there, i still love you all okie. whatever i become next time, just ignore me. changes are unavoidable right? or maybe i wanna change. need that drive in my life. the screwed up kind of drive. whee... and i dont wanna buy relationships, as in BGR anymore. i only buy ons. oh whatever lar. i go indulge in dod liao. bye. bbl.
Dora: goodness you hur... thought you supposed to be studying or smth. haha. bleahz. hmm i've got really no idea how you found out anyway, dont tell me i told you myself and I forgot!? hahaha. =( so what you want? you can have me if you want... you want? hehex. =P
Vicki: I hope things gets better yea? I wanna see the cheerful and cool girl again! heex. go chuck go! i noe you hate that name. belle lurvessss chuck all the same. go go go! muackz.
Xwei: thanks =D i noe u think im too free. typing this much again.and think im crazy again righttt... uh, i dont care! hehe. well, thankie, ure the gay man! whee! thanks for listening. and like teaching me what to and stuff. really appreciate it alot.hehe.sleep early, quit watching football n talking to me >_< i dont share attention. hehe.
Weiming: =) thanks x 9999. the 1 is couz ure baddie! sourgrapes! hahahx. kidding. you really dont need to do anything. listening to me is enough. and ill do the same too. and tuning in to my blog n nonsense. i know u read liao u also =X but... at least you get to know me better. ya know... ahaha. =)
I called and I know the facts. And I know what to do already. erm, you dont feel guilty anymore. I dont need sympathy or anything. hehe. but i dont buy any commitments such as relationships and marriages. yups. i guess, pray for a miracle. hehe. my heart's on the floor and i dont wish it'd be picked up by myself or anyone else. unless.. you cute enuff lar. lol. kidding.
