Thursday, October 21, 2004
"wish u've been careful with my heart, but you tore it apart"
Hi everyone, I just made the hardest decision this year. I'm walking away. I hope no turning back this time. I'm almost out of contact, and soon this page will be too. I really can't take the torture anymore, maybe im torturing myself but i feel like a toy. sometimes like, sometimes dont like, sometimes like abit, sometimes dont like abit, sometimes love, sometimes love abit, sometimes dont love. opio said this... and well it's true. too hard to be friends for me. i can't take it in my stride to be able to gud friends n chill out with him. <--- this, is a dream, which will never come true. anyway, since he's happier now, and it's without me. i'll start walking away. i know he'll be fine. walking our own ways finally. at least i know what to do now. please support me.. i know all of you all do, lol. this was all the advice i've ever heard. i guess it's either together or our own ways. friends can't happen anymore. too painful for me. and i dont think anyone would understand. hope this will be the last post regarding this issue. it's hard for me too... i told him i still like him. i dont know whether i love him or not, but he doesnt love me, he likes me abit. but somehow tat doesnt matter anymore anyhow. nothing's gng to change. and we'll ne^er be friends. but... sighs. good nite. i hate myself. even as life still goes on like that... i dont want to live with this pain anymore. someone save me, someone wake me up inside, someone give me your hand.
somehow i still thought friday's date was on. since it was arranged so long ago. but no, another fantasy of mine. i should have known better. i should have known im not the significant person anymore. i should have known... what are you doing annabelle khan zhi yan? have you got no brains? i still asked him if he wanted to go fish and co. how dumb could i get. how dumb. just how dumb? wanted to pass him his present but maybe forget it. ask someone else to do it for me. dont even know if im wanted to be seen. sigh sigh. anyway, it broke my heart again altho it was a dream. he said he might be gng out with his friends. that jolted me awake. that im not significant anymore. belle... what are you doing? staring at the moon? thinking what he's thinking of? definately not yourself. just kill that hope, kill yourself, close the doors of your heart. things wont change! never! ever!
"guess the truth doesnt matter somehow"
girlwithabroken(: : 23:50
